1. |
freshman idealist
01:48
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What ever happened to being bestfriends? What ever happened to all those fucking plans? Like New York City, and staying up late. What ever happened to? What ever happened to? This?
Remember junior year and riding bus 9, and your fake ambitions, and your fake smiles. It was treehouse living, and painting your nails, and your dog Princess, and Half Price Books sales. It was guitar lessons, it was UIL, but, what ever happened to? What ever happened to?
You had dinner with my folks, I laughed at all your shitty jokes. You can't admit you fucked my boyfriend. What ever happened to? What ever happened to? And strung out again you said, and strung out again again, and you said, you said, you said, you said, you said, you tried.
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2. |
i won't, though
02:34
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My favorite things aren't my favorite anymore, and my favorite people aren't either. I'm getting so old and I've got nothing to show. I'm not a kid anymore, so why does it have to feel like I've lost my fucking home? I don't know where I've been, but I'm awake now, and I won't let you make me this lonely again.
Cos I don't know who I am, stuck on tired and sad. But I could slit my wrists like a leaking oil field, and I can shoot me down, shoot me down, faster than you thought you could. I don't know who I am, I don't know don't know who I am.
The way your floorboards creaked at 4am makes me miss the words that we slept in, and it's a chronic dependency on the fact that I can reach lunacy with a clock and some arms. I'm stuck in a middle low, with a high blow, and I can't put the sense down onto my goddamn brain without missing pieces and parts I meant to bring.
Cos I don't know who I am, I don't know don't know who I am, I'm stuck on tired and sad. But I could slit my wrists like a leaking oil field, and I can shoot me down, shoot me down, faster than you thought you could.
And I'm sick of trying, I am sick of trying, I am sick of tttrying, but I think, but I think, but I think I'm going to be fine. But I think, but I think, but I think i'm going to be fine.
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3. |
likewise
03:04
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AP English, senior year, you were tying your Jordans and talking to Felipe about how you scored, you scored, you scored again. Yeah, you scored, you scored, you scored again. And three years later I couldn't tell you why, I slept on your couch three months at a time, and I was so proud. So goddamn proud to call you mine.
But you treated me like shit, put ranch on all your dollar menu food, you thought I should praise you, your apartment smelled like dick and cat food, and you said you loved me.
Jk lol, I hate your fucking guts. Jk lol, I hope you choke on your dick. Jk lol, I can't even be a man. Jk lol, yeah that's a fellatio joke. Jk lol, yeah that's a fellatio joke.
I left you like January in your car. Your car, it's your mom's car. Your Dad, he hates me, and he has every reason why. I'll never say I'm sorry that I pissed in his closet, no shame. And all you ever gave me was a bruised face, bruised arms, bruised legs. A bruised face, bruised arms, bruised legs. But, you said you loved me.
Jk lol, I hope you go to Hell. Jk lol, all your friends are fucking pricks. Jk lol, I can't even feel right. Jk lol yeah that's a fellatio joke, jk lol jk lol. Jk lol, I hate your fucking guts. Jk lol, I hope you choke on your dick. Jk lol, I can't even be a man. Jk lol yeah that's a fellatio joke, jk lol yeah that's a fellatio joke.
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4. |
losing streak
02:34
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And if you drive, drive fast enough, you might find me on the other side. To all the nights you left me waiting, let me down, my mistake, miss taken for a friendship built on band t-shirts and sophomore triumphs, left unsaid, homemade hallway roundabouts.
And I don't wanna be lucky. I don't wanna be. I'm just a fool for believing you'd pick me up on time.
I wanna write to tell you the moon looks better on Skyrim than your Instagram page. And I'm illuminated by every browser I've made home, just small victories for all the months I've been alone. And sophomore triumphs left unsaid, still looking for our sense of worth, but can you tell me? oh please, can you tell me? Will it be worth it in the end?
I don't wanna be lucky. I don't wanna be. I'm just a fool for believing you'd pick me up on time. I don't wanna be lucky. I don't wanna be. I don't wanna be lucky. I don't wanna be.
I don't wanna be lucky. I don't wanna be. I'm just a fool for believing you'd pick me up on time... tonight.
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5. |
highlife
01:57
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Someday I'll write a song that doesn't make me sad, someday I'll write a ballad all to you. I'll box it up and call it my stupid years. I'll box it up and call it my stupid years.
I went for a drive today, all for you, I cried and cried again until you weren't even, you weren't even you. And 3,000 miles later, 541 you said, I was a stranger to my own bed and the summer I was 20 I lost my own Starr, lost the galaxy and created some scars, but,
Someday I'll write a song that doesn't make me sad, someday I'll write ballad all to you, I'll box it up and call it my stupid years. I'll box it up.
And for the life of me, I can't remember why I waited all winter to see that I was worthwhile. I built a promise on a 5ft 3 structure knowing eventually it'd be a crutch for me. I waited on phone call to fix time, but instead finally grew up and cut the line.
And someday I'll write a song that doesn't make me sad, someday I'll write a ballad all to you, I'll box it up and call it my stupid year. I'll box it up and sell you all my better years.
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6. |
maybe means no
02:43
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When talkings not our line anymore, and it's smoking on my lonesome legs, I won't give a fuck where I lie my head as long as I'm not alone, and I always thought that I'd see you again. 6'7 and 10 years down the line, I'd let you know, let you know I made you proud. I'd let you know that, now I've,
Got these friends in a sense of lacking land and I've got these friends I can name on one damn hand and when all else fails I'll just lay in my bed and wonder where you've been, and who you've seen, and what you've done to get away from me.
A blitzed oblivion and I don't live in town. Some fucked proportioned funeral, living underground, and you slept down the hall, you knocked on my wall. You weren't supposed to beat me to the ground, you weren't supposed to leave me hanging around. And I always thought that I'd see you again. 6'7 and a family vacation and I'd let you know, I'd let you know I'm doing fine. I'd let you know that, now, I've,
Got these friends in a sense of lacking land and I've got these friends I can name on one damn hand and when all else fails I'll just lay in my bed and wonder, where you've been, and who you've seen, and what you've done to get away from.
What you've done to get taken away from me. But I always thought that I'd see you again.
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7. |
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i’ve got a way with words and a forked tongue,
a couple bad teeth and a worse lung,
and there’s no chance i’m getting out of here alive.
maybe i could get a fresh start up north,
blow this town like it’s july 4th,
but i figure i’ll crack another bottle instead.
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8. |
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this is not a test, love, this is how it’s gonna stay,
and i’m just terrified that i’ll forget the way you smell someday,
and that the poison in these fingertips won’t know the touch of skin.
because for every little struggle solved a new one must always form again.
you know i only came to bring the ruckus and the pain,
but for every night that i fuck up there’s dawn to start again.
but there’s things that they can’t teach you ‘til you wind up at your worst,
and that’s that everything is beautiful but everything will hurt.
everything is beautiful but everything will hurt.
you don’t wanna be my lover, and i don’t wanna be your friend,
but i’d do anything to hear you lie to me again.
like you know there’s nothing for me here, no matter what you said,
because darling this is just another place that i’ll be leaving when i’m dead.
you know i only came to bring the ruckus and the pain,
but for every night that i fuck up there’s dawn to start again.
but there’s things that they can’t teach you ‘til you wind up at your worst,
and that’s that everything is beautiful and everything will hurt.
everything is beautiful and everything will hurt.
everything is beautiful and everything will hurt.
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9. |
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these songs could never let you know the way i really feel
because i don’t know how to express myself, or if all of is real
or shit i made up- like my mother always said.
i can’t take my medication because i spend too much time drinking,
and in the morning i get lonely because people hang in threes and
i’m a fourth or a fifth degree friend.
and then i go back to my room, lay on the rug, and lock the door,
and think about the way i smiled, and the way i was before
all of this started, but i was only nine.
and i’ve got murder in my bloodstream and personality disorders
and addictions and depression and i just want this to be over,
but until i get help i’ll probably never change.
i hate these trite and shallow songs but they’re all that i can write,
because i’ve got nowhere else to let this out and there’s no end in sight,
so just bear with me and i swear, oh i swear it won’t take long.
and it’s hard to be around you because my smile’s so fucking heavy,
and it’s hard to hold it up all day without feeling so unsteady,
but i have to leave here before i can let it go.
and if you never really knew this or you wish you’d never learned,
i’m still the smiling child i’ve always been, as far as you’re concerned,
just don’t look through me and i’ll always be around
i hate these trite and shallow songs but they’re all that i can write,
because i’ve got nowhere else to let this out and there’s no end in sight,
so just bear with me and i swear it’ll all be over soon.
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10. |
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i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
cause i love watching mothers weep and wishing they were mine,
and i love causing all the pain that makes you burn inside.
i’ll make you wish you’d never seen through all of my disguise.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll stab you in the back and watch you bleed out from your spine,
and the world will beg for mercy as i walk on down the line.
i’d burn down my old school with all the children left inside.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
i’ll make you see the devil in my eyes.
they can try to take me but they’ll never leave alive
i’ll make them see the devil in my eyes
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11. |
Heavy Boots - Separation
02:41
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another night of sitting in, and i think i’m going crazy,
but i miss the way you’d lay with me, and when you’d call me baby.
and i know it’s not that far away when i’ll see you again,
but goddamnit it, it’s been so long, and it’s harder than it’s ever ever been.
and the last time that we woke up on the futon that we shared,
where you’d wake up in your make up, well i told you then and there
that i loved you more than i had ever loved anyone before.
and i know it’s been a long time, but i mean it even more.
and maybe sometimes i can’t deal with separation all that well,
and i do my best to hide it, but i know that you can tell
when my words they start to tremble, or i’m crying on the phone,
and the nights, can’t bear to go out, and i end up drunk alone.
the biggest lie i’ve ever told you was someday i might get better,
but i promise i’m still trying not to burden you forever.
and i’ll try and make you happy, give you lots of hugs and coffee,
and i’ll kiss you in the airport when you finally come and see me.
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12. |
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let’s get high and watch “king of the hill” together.
let’s eat pizza for breakfast everyday.
and we’ll watch movies, but we won’t really watch those movies.
we probably won’t even wear real clothes today.
then at night we’ll probably get a little crazy,
and you’ll probably spill your wine across the floor,
but don’t you worry we’ll just clean it in the morning,
and i’ll sing to you while we’re doing the chores.
we’ll go out late with a couple of our friends,
and darlin’ you forgot your coat, but you know i can keep you warm.
and you look so pretty, like really goddamn pretty,
plus you always make me look good when we’re standing arm in arm.
then we’ll go back to your place so we can be alone, and talk all night,
and hold each other, and make out, and all kinds of other stuff.
and i’ll miss you when i’m gone, and you’ll miss me when i’m gone,
but i’ll be okay if i can give you all my love,
and you’ll be okay if you can give me all your love,
and we’ll be okay if we can share all of our love.
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noralee. Fort Worth, Texas
putting out ukulele sad time jams.
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